Denae’s Story

I was 19, sitting expectantly, waiting for the Holy Spirit to move at a church youth camp I had attended every year since I was 12. I had been praying for weeks to receive the gift of tongues and was certain this would be the moment. 

My church believed in the Holy Spirit, but only when it fit neatly into their agenda and didn’t disrupt the meeting. The Holy Spirit was there to reveal scripture, and that was about it. So when an entire retreat was dedicated to this topic, I was excited.

But that moment wrecked me. Not only did I not receive the gift of tongues I so deeply desired, someone very close to me did. I was left questioning everything. Did the Holy Spirit have favourites? Did He not hear me? Or maybe He simply didn’t care. Whatever the reason, I decided that if the Holy Spirit didn’t want me, I didn’t want Him either. My heart hardened toward Him. I focused on God and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit could do what I had been taught He did, reveal Scripture to me, and nothing more.

Fast forward a few years and I’m 24, newly married, relocated from America to Dubai, and sitting in a women’s Bible study on the gifts of the spirit led by Starla Webster. I had already had many conversations with my husband, Bruce, about the Holy Spirit, but they always ended in tears. My heart was so wounded that I couldn’t talk about it without crying. Yet the Holy Spirit was using my husband and City Lights church to slowly change how I viewed Him. The wall I had built around my heart began to crumble, and my heart softened. I no longer saw the gifts of the Holy Spirit as something to earn or something I deserved, but as gifts freely given to those who ask from a place of openness.

As Starla spoke about the gift of tongues, I felt my entire body grow hot. My heart pounded in my chest, and I knew the invitation was there to draw near. In my mind, I spoke to the Holy Spirit and asked if He would give me just one word. Just one. And He did. I repeated that word over and over in my mind until I made it to my car and drove away.

As I drove, I worked up the courage to speak it aloud. The love of God fell over me. I began to weep and laugh as I continued to speak that word. That single word bled into more, and soon I was speaking a heavenly language that lifted my soul and drew me close to my Heavenly Father. It healed every lie I had ever believed about the Holy Spirit. 

This moment led to a spiritual awakening that opened me up to hearing God’s voice not only for myself, but for others too through prophecy. When I now look back on my life before that moment in 2014, I see that the Holy Spirit had been speaking to me since I was a child. He had been with me all along, no striving required.

So if you desire more of the Holy Spirit, know this: He is already with you and all you need to do is lean into Him.